My Friend, Maile.

Happy Rainy Dallas Day!

It's been a dreary weekend in the Big D, and I love dreary weekends. Rain just smells so good. Hopefully you share my sentiments and are enjoying the slowness of the renewed world around us. The only thing missing to this perfect rainy day is some interesting reading material... That's my thought anyway. So grab a blanket and a hot cup of tea or coffee and enjoy.

Often, people ask what kind of common threads string themselves through the different communities of those in need. I find that it's typically a mix of tragedy and disappointment. The last possible alternative, whether it was a thing or a person, failed. What was the worst thing that could happen, happened. I also recently realized that a blog written from only my frame of reference about being a friend to those experienced in tragedy and disappointment seems not only incredibly flat dimensionally, it has the potential to become pretty boring. A particular friend I met while volunteering one morning stated that she was interested in writing for the blog and telling others her story. After a couple of meals together, we decided that an interview setting would be the best way for my friend (Maile) to reach this audience. So an interview is exactly what we did. I picked Maile up one night outside of The Bridge shelter for the homeless downtown and we enjoyed a Q&A session over dinner at Cafe Brazil. Fair warning: I am by no means a terrific interviewer, and decidedly, should never begin a career in reporting or journalism. That being what it is, I hope you find the same encouragement and humility that I have gained in knowing Maile's story.

Alyshia: Alright, let's do this! You good with just diving into it?

Maile: Yeah. Sure.I just want people to hear it and understand where people like me are coming from.

A: Okay, then let's get started. Maile, how long have you been living on the streets?

M: Truthfully, I've been homeless...going on four months. Actually, yeah, three months going on four.

A: Okay. I know you recently moved to Dallas. Prior to your living in Dallas, you had a consistent place to live?

M: No. In Louisiana I was homeless for a month before I moved here.

A: That happened whenever you broke up with your boyfriend, correct?

M: Yes.

A: You've told me before that you were originally from Hawaii, what took you to Louisiana?

M: My mom. My mom lived in Louisiana.

A: Okay, so why didn't you live with her after the relationship ended? Did you try to make it work with her? What was the situation like with your mom?

M: I did. I did try and live her, but my mom... She's the type of person that is really jealous. She was jealous of me. I really have no idea why. I don't know why she's jealous of me, but that's just the type of person she is. It was hard for me to be around her because of her personality and attitude with me. She would tell stories about me.

A: What kind of stories?

M: She would even... She would make things up just to make me look bad, like a bad person. She would tell things to her friends and to her boyfriend. He was helping me out and she would tell him things so that he wouldn't help me.

A: Okay. Was she doing things and then blaming them on you or was she just making up all these things that you were supposedly doing?

M: She wasn't blaming me; she would just make stuff up. She would tell people things, like, you know, like that I was a street worker or something like that. Things weren't what she said it was. Her boyfriend, he stopped helping me, and her friends stopped talking to me because of the things she was saying.

A: How else did people react? Was anyone aware of the situation?

M: Yeah, a couple of her friends knew that she was a compulsive liar. They didn't believe a word she said. It didn't keep me there though. That's when I became homeless. My boyfriend broke up with me and left me for another girl. Whenever he didn't have a job I took care of him and paid for everything, but then he got a job and I lost mine. He pretty much forgot about me. He wouldn't help me at all. I took care of him and then for, maybe, I would say, four months of our relationship, I couldn't take care of him. I had nothing to give.

A: You mean financially? You couldn't take care of him financially?

M: Yeah! I couldn't do nothing for him. So when he finally got a job, when he got his job he forgot about me. We were staying [living] at a motel and he would get paid every day. When he got paid, then he would go and get high with my mom.

A: Really? What kind of drugs were they taking together?

M: Crack. She was into crack and it was just...um...it was really crazy.

A: So they were enabling each other, your boyfriend and your mom. Did you participate in it?

M: No. Everyone thinks people like me got a drug problem, but I hated what they were doing to each other.

A: I understand. So, at this point, you don't have any income. How did you support yourself?

M: I have a friend back home in Hawaii. She was kinda helping me out, you know, whenever she could. Aside from that, I had to turn to... you know...

A: Working on the street?

M: Yeah, working on the street. You know, to survive. Did I like it? No, I didn't. I thought my years of that was over. I did it in the past, but then I got my life on the right path and I stopped everything.

A: So you had been involved with prostitution while you were living in Hawaii?

M: Mh-hmm. Yeah.

A: Okay, is your family in Hawaii? And remind me, do you have siblings, Maile?

M: Yeah. My brother,he lived on the beach. He was going in and out of prison always. He was institutionalized. My sister as well. I had my own place with my boyfriend. I got my sister and asked her if she wanted to move in with me. I mean, move in with us. She said yes and moved in with us. She staid with us for a while and eventually got her own place. That's when we moved.

A: I'm sorry, when who moved?

M: Me and my boyfriend. My mom had been in Louisiana and she somehow convinced me and my boyfriend to move-in with her. I mean, I hadn't seen her for 27 years of my life. Might as well.

A: Has she always been an addict?

M: Yes. That's why she left.

A: Oh, wow. Were you close with your father then?

M: Not until he passed away.

A: So, it wasn't until after he died that you felt a closeness with him?

M: No, before he died. I want to say three months before he passed away he started making amends. He had cancer, but I forgave him before he died.

A: I'm glad to hear that. I know not everyone in that kind of situation is able to come to some sort of resolution. So, now that we have a good idea of your past, what would you say is the catalyst to your being where you are today? If you were to say "this" is the reason why, what would be your answer?

M: I would have to say, even though I don't want to say this, I'd say my relationship [with my boyfriend]. Had he not done what he done, I would still be in Louisiana. We would still be together. I tried to work things out with him, but the girl, the drugs, the money, it was too much.

A: Is there someone or something you thought you could depend on, that wasn't there for you when your situation escalated?

M: I thought I could fall on my ex-boyfriend or my mom.

A: Okay, well, let me ask this: why do you think your mom got in touch with you after not taking part in your life for such a long time?

M: Um, that's a good question. Because after all the years of her not trying to look us up, I mean 27 years of my life, she's been gone. All of a sudden, a phone call with my uncle, and she wants to reunite. In fact, she disowned me when I was little. She disowned me because of my, because of my gender identity.

A: How long have you identified as a transgender?

M: How long? Since I was 11. I told other people and everything when I was almost 12, but I always knew. I mean, I've known since I was really little. I always felt this way. When the time came, I was in Junior High, when I made up my mind.

A: Is that difficult for you to discuss? I don't want to be rude and it seems like a shy subject for you.

M: Oh no, I don't get embarrassed. In a way, it helps me. Sometimes, well, it just kinda hurts. You know, growing up with the things that I've been through and things that I've sacrificed. Somethings I wish I didn't do.

A: Well, I wish I could say that I understand completely, but I know I can't. I can empathize though, we all have things about our self that we wish we didn't because it makes life more difficult. What makes your situation unique is that you can't really hide it. Often, when a person has a regret, he or she can choose to conceal that. It would be challenging though, for one to conceal being homeless.

M: Yeah,exactly. My biggest regret is still that one relationship. I really think I wouldn't be here. Every thing's not wonderful and I have no problems expressing my feelings. I have no problem letting people know. I want people to know. I want people to know my story. I want people to know my point-of view, of being a transgender, and homeless in Dallas. Being a transgender is hard enough, but here is no help and with no help you tend to lose hope. There have been times where I felt badly. You know, I lost hope.

A: I can imagine; I'd have a difficult time believing that you hadn't lost hope once or twice. Previously, we discussed how your being transgender made it more difficult to find housing as well. Would you expound on that?

M: There are more programs and associations out there for heterosexuals that they don't let me participate in. There is nothing for the transgender. People get it mixed up with like being gay or lesbian too. Transgenders are different from being a gay man or being a lesbian and people don't understand that.

A: Right. It's about your identity, not your sexuality. That's a difficult concept for some. You're staying at The Bridge now, do they allow you to stay in the female bunks or do the force you to stay in the male bunks?

M: The women.

A: Is that the case with other places you investigated?

M: No. Most locations would make me stay with the men, which would be very uncomfortable for me. I identify as a woman, I wouldn't say I was gay. , and I'm not going to give my life up.

A: Right. So how does the bed situation work there? Are you assigned your own bed?

M: No, I come in late because I work. So whatever is open when I get there, that is the bed they give to me. I come in after hours so I don't really get my choice.

A: Okay, well, what happens if there are no beds available when you arrive?

M: Then I'd have to sleep in the commons area, like on the floor or in a chair. And pray you got your blanket, because girl, it gets cold! It is not comfortable.

A: I'm sure. Well, since you do have a job and are trying to get yourself out of this situation, are they lenient with you? Do you have any extra privileges because of that?

M: They don't. The help more, the people they help is the people with a disability or drug problems. They pretend to help people with mental illness, but a lot of time they don't. My case manager told me they would help get me a bed upstairs so I don't have to move my things every day and worry about coming in late from work. They only help certain people or certain races and it's not fair to everyone else.

A: Did your case manager or anyone else offer to help you find a job?

M: No, no one helped. I had to go do it by myself. With being a transgender that was really hard, because a lot of people wouldn't really give me any time. A lot of people are uneducated I think. I don't care how uneducated you are, you don't have to be so close-minded, but a lot of people don't understand a different person's situation. People kept telling me, "You're in the Bible Belt. The Bible Belt. the Bible Belt!" The Bible Belt has nothing to do with it; I think it is just the way they were raised. There's more to it. There's more to life than just what their Mama or their Papa told them.

A: I can imagine it was hard for you to come to here and have to start your life over in unfamiliar territory. On any given day, how do you go about finding food and drink and shelter?

M: It's hard to say. Actually, it's been harder since I started my job. I used to go and find churches and different places that did food. Now that I'm working, I miss breakfast because I have to get on the bus really early. Then I come back late, so I miss dinner at the shelter. On my way back, I'm always looking for somebody... I look for somebody that's doing sack lunches for people or something.

A: Do you get a discount so that you can eat at work [Target]?

M: We get a discount, but it's really small. I'm trying to save up money for a car so I can drive to work and I want to get my own place. My main focus right now is to get out of The Bridge and be on my own. I want to get out of this situation, so I really can't spend a few dollars on lunch. I have goals. I don't want to be stuck. I don't want to be stuck on the streets the rest of my life. Some people, they get their check every single month from The Bridge and they blow it. They go stay in a hotel, go find a girl, or get drugs or something. Those are the kind of people that I, well I don't want to say hate, because I don't want to hate nobody, but it's just the way they are. They get help and they waste it. They don't try to get anywhere.

A: How does a person qualify to receive a check every month?

M: Girl, you gotta be crazy! You have to be crazy. Or at least play crazy. I ain't trying to fake crazy because I ain't trying to be crazy. It was just weird. There's no place that's got the right kind of help, especially for someone like me with an alternative lifestyle. I wish, in Dallas, that they could open up their eyes and see that not everybody is the same. You know, everybody is different. There are people out there that wants to get somewhere. There are people out there that don't want to get nowhere. There's the ones that things just happen and they didn't want to be there, and there's some that, they chose to be in that position. That's why, my goal is to be a social worker. I want to help those people that want to get somewhere, because I know what it's like. Especially, I want to help the transgender, because it is such a different situation and there's no help.

A: That's a really great goal, Maile. Do you think your lifestyle was more accepted in Shreveport?

M: Yeah, definitely. In Louisiana, I think the people were more accepting. I think it's just the location. It's just not really accepted here. I don't think it was just because of the people I knew, but more because of the people here. I really don't know why. People tell me too, that a lot of funds here go into people's pockets and not to their "clients."

A: Right, I've heard some places refer to the homeless people they serve as clients. How do you feel about that?

M: No. We aren't clients!

A: Okay, well, how would you prefer that they refer to you?

M: I don't know- as human beings, a person, an individual. We're in a shelter. A shelter that's supposed to comfort, a shelter that's supposed to provide and keep us safe. It's not safe, even with the security they have there.

A: That's a tough spot to be in, definitely. They are providing a service, so I think it's meant to be a term of respect in a way. I can see how it could make a person feel alienated though. As for beds and space and everything, how is that divided?

M: There are 50 beds for the women and 200 for the men, that I know of. We have bins that we can't hold much in. The limit of stuff you can have in your bin though is 50 pounds.

A: Do they provide hygiene products such as toothpaste and soap and similar things?

M: They provide what you need on a day-by-day basis. It isn't meant to last. It's not an experience I would want for anyone. The food is awful, worse than like a hospital. I mean, c'mon, we're human too. There just has to be more that can be done. You know, hopefully, with me sharing my experience, it could open up somebody's heart. I hope people can see that not all homeless people are the same. I want to capture this story and communicate it so people feel something about it. We're not all lazy or addicted to something or crazy. Some of us are just really down on our luck and are working to get on with our life.

A: Definitely, your story will have an impact. Thanks so much for sharing so readily and openly. People are going to hear you, Maile.

Thanks again for all your support. I hope, after hearing Maile's story, you are as inspired to do more as I am. Please feel free to leave her a note on this page, she checks the updates at the Dallas Public Library. Also, if you have volunteered recently or had a particularly meaningful experience while serving someone, please share your story. I would love to have some guest bloggers and I've been so encouraged by actions you all have taken to make a difference for others.

So thankful and so very proud to be among such a group of incredible people.

AMF